Through A Rapist's Eyes

This was something my dad shared to me back when I was about to enter adolescent years.

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1. The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a women with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets. (Hee nothing to grab to...)
2. The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
3. They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off-guard and can be easily overpowered.
4. The time of day men are most likely to attach and rap a woman is in the early morning, between 5.00am and 8.30am.
5. The number ONE place women are abducted from/attacked at is grocery store parking lots. Number TWO is office parking lots or garages. Number THREE is public restrooms.

The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught. Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 years sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

These men said that they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you are not worth it!

Several defense mechanism he taught us are:

• If someone is following (or if you noticed someone has been following for awhile) behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look at them in the face and ask them a question, e.g. "what time is it?" or make a general small talk e.g. "I can't believe it is so cold out here, we are in for a bad winter." --> Now you have seen their face and could identify them in a line-up, you lose appeal as a target.
• If someone is coming towards you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell, "STOP or STAY BACK!" Most of the rapists this man talked to said they would leave the woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
• If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes), yelling "I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY!" and holding it out will be a deterrent.
• If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, PINCH the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh --HARD! (Youuchh! Soft vulnerable flesh. That ought to hurt real bad!) One woman in a class with this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands ---the guy needed stitches!! (Woahhh! I forgot we women always have long nails. SO men beware! Hehe.) GO ahead and TRY pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; YES! it hurts!!
• After the initial hit, always go for the GROIN! I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's part it is extremely, excruciatingly painful. You might think that you will anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told the instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing troubles, and he is out of there! *swoooshh*
• When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to one of his student without using much pressure, and his student ended up on his knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with you instincts. You may feel a little silly at the time, but you would feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

Share this with any woman you know, or to guys that have a wife, daughter, or even girlfriend. It is simple stuff that could save her life. Happy days all!

Love,

Iliyana I. Ramjaun

From the cook's room -- Saturday's Dinner!

Butternut squash soup & Fried angel hair with beef and mushroom.

Last Saturday was just a relaxing day for me and Mr. S as we had nothing planned. For once we were just hanging out without any activity in our calendar. But we went to KLCC and had to change his shirt that I bought for him during Isetan Member Pre-Sales because both of its sleeves are up on his elbow (Oh we are talking about long sleeve buttoned shirt!) Sigh sigh! What can I say, I married a giant! Lmao.

Despite not having anything to do in the house, I must admit that I was super lazy. While Mr. S busy vacuuming the whole house, I put clothes to wash and fold those that were already dried on the racks. Head was racing trying to figure out what's for dinner. I knew Mr. S is not a big fan of rice but am just too tired of making steaks and sandwiches. And then, ting! ting! ting! Hey, let's try something new. Heeee...

Looking inside the refrigerator and thinking I should finish what is left inside this. Urghhh! Tadaaaaa....there you go. Dinner on the table:)

To those that kept asking me for the recipe for the above, here you go! (I told you I just chuck everything in my refrigerator. Spring clean it, that is what they called it.)

Butternut Squash Soup:

Half of a medium sized butternut squash (if you can't find it, pumpkin is good too!)

2tbsp of black pepper, grounded finely

1tbsp of salt

500ml beef/vegetable stock

1 cup of milk or cream

1 medium sized onion

2tsp cooking oil

2 sprigs of fresh thyme

1. Roughly chop the onion and cubed the butternut squash into bite size chunks. It doesn't matter really because all these will be blitzed and pureed.

2. Sweat those onion until it is soft before adding thyme to it. Once onion is golden brown, add in the butternut squash along with vegetable stocks enough to cover the chunks.

3. Bring it to boil and once your vegetable softens, turned off your stove and let it cool down a bit.

4. Liquidize your soup into smooth consistency and add some generous pinch of salt and pepper to taste.

5. Depending on to your liking, you can either use milk or cream for your soup. If you prefer to use milk, bring your soup back to stove and add in a cup of milk. Let it simmer for couple of minutes and serve it with hot baguette. If you prefer to use cream, serve it in a bowl with a dollop of cream in the middle.

Fried Angel Hair with Beef & Mushroom

1 packet of San Remo Angel Hair pasta

2 cloves of garlic

1inch of fresh ginger

6 small chili

5 cherry tomatoes, halved

A bunch of spring onions, chopped finely

1 medium sized lime

4 portobello mushrooms, sliced

350g lean beef, diced

Pinch of salt & pepper

Knob of butter

1. Boil some water with a pinch of salt. Add in angel hair and cook it until al dente. Toss it and add a knob of butter to it.

2. Peel garlic and chop ginger to thin slice (it will be easy for you later). Using pestle and mortar (you can use food processor, if you want), pound garlic, ginger and chili to paste.

3. Heat couple teaspoon of vegetable oil and saute the garlic, ginger, chili paste and also chopped spring onions till fragrant. Add beef and stir fry till its tender before adding slices of mushrooms and tomatoes.

4. Pinch in some salt and pepper and toss in the noodles that you have prepared. Mix well. Squeeze some lime juice before serving.

Happy cooking all!

Love,

Iliyana I. Ramjaun

From the cook's room -- Scones :)

Fresh out of the oven for breakfast tomorrow morning.

Just felt like baking the other day and the result was above. Despite living in the middle of KL city area, I have never came across any good scones apart from the one in Boh Valley in Cameron Highland. With fresh cream and strawberry jam as their condiments, along with hot fresh brewed tea...it's definitely HEAVEN!

Felt like bringing something to the office therefore I baked more than enough for everybody to enjoy. For this one we enjoyed it with just butter and assorted jams. It still beats those hard-like-rock scones they sell in cafes. Haha.

Ingredients:

500g light Italian or plain flour

1tsp of baking soda

2tsp of cream of tartar

1tsp of salt (skip this if you are using salted butter)

125g chilled unsalted butter, cubed

25g castor sugar

1 egg, beaten

275ml buttermilk

50g castor sugar (optional)

1. Preheat oven to 220°c.

2. Sift the flour, baking soda, cream of tartar, and salt into a large bowl. Use your fingertips, rub in the butter until mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Add in the castor sugar and mix well.

3. Set aside about a third of the beaten egg and combine the rest with buttermilk, then add to the flour mixture. Mix briefly to combine into a moist dough.

4. Place on a lightly floured surface, knead gently and lightly just to bring them together. (Do not knead like kneading your bread or your scones will be hard)

5. Press to a thickness of 2cm and using a round cutter, cut out approximately 18 scones (depending on the size) and place it on a floured baking tray.

6. Add about a teaspoon of buttermilk to the remainder of the beaten egg to make an egg wash. Brush the scones with egg wash and dip the scones into the sugar (This is to your liking, usually I did not!).

7. Bake in the oven for about 10-12minutes or until golden brown on top. Serve with some clotted cream and hot tea.

Go ahead and give this a try!

Love,

Iliyana I. Ramjaun

It's just that time of the year...

Ordered this bouquet from PureSeed KL.

A MOTHER is the truest friend we have,

when trials, heavy and sudden fall upon us;

when adversity takes the place of prosperity;

when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine,

desert us when troubles thicken around us;

still will SHE cling to us, and endeavour by her kind percepts

and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness,

and cause peace to return to our hearts.

YOU'RE MY WALKING MIRACLE!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

Love,

Iliyana I. Ramjaun

So HE/SHE is the one?

Found this article quite sometime ago but never paid any attention. I have no idea I still had it kept in my saved bookmarks. And hey, I actually read it again and again without missing a word.

This article was written by Dov Heller, M.A.

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making SERIOUS mistakes in their approach to finding Mr/Miss Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they will say: "We're in love!'; I believe this is the ...1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there is a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married...Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: 'You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone.'; You need a lot more!! Here are 5 questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

QUESTION 1: Do we share a common life purpose?

* Why is this important? Let me put it this way: If you are married for 20 or 30 years, that is a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

2 things can happen in a marriage: (1) You can grow together, OR (2) You can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! BOTTOM LINE; marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION 2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

*This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust, i.e. Trust that I won't get 'punished'; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION 3: Is he/she a mensch?

* A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as 'someone who is always striving to be good and do the right things.'; So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

These are essentially 2 types of people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION 4: How does he/she treat other people?

* The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.

ASK: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc... How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION 5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we are married?

* Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to 'improve'; them after they are married. As a colleague of mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse.' If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart! It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself trouble because you did not do your homework.

Okay let me give you another perspective...

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It is amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention...

*Which ones lift and which ones lean?

*Which ones encourage and which ones discourage?

*Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?

*When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?

*Which ones do not appreciate you?

*Which ones make you feel good, praises you, boosts you with loving and caring words or annotations?

The more you seek QUALITY, RESPECT, GROWTH, PEACE OF MIND, LOVE and TRUTH around you... the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.'; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, do not let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and do not fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults are not really that important.

* Do you bring out the best in each other?

* Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship?

* Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

You can't take someone to the altar to alter them. You can't make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life'; you won't be finding yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:-

1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. SENSE OF HUMOUR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hugs, calls, touch, notes, etc.)
7. SHARING COMMON GOALS & INTERESTS
8. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
9. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING & ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT
10. CONCERN & CARE FOR YOUR LOVER IN YOUR OWN WAYS

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace.

ALL THE BEST!

Love,

Iliyana I. Ramjaun

Destination: Paris 2011

It wasn't exactly our choice of honeymoon destination but it beats than not going anywhere, right? Plus, Mr. S has tons of family members there so it wasn't such a bad idea visiting his side of families. And we did! Killed 2 birds with one stone :)

It was freezing cold and trust me we walked our ass off everywhere. We were lucky we stayed near Gare du Nord (about 5 minutes walking distance) with La Chapelle (Line 2 Porte Dauphine-Nation) just opposite our apartment. What I find most stunning was our apartment is just a kilometre away from the breathtaking beautiful Basilique du Sacré- Cœur de Montmartre. Perched on top of that hill, it never failed to mesmerize anyone who looked up to admire its beauty. Their RER and métro are impressive but I would advise not to sit or lean against any walls or whatever around you because there's wee-wee everywhere!! I managed to improve my French a lot, well at least Mr. S thought so. The worst part was when he gathered among his families and I was lost in translation. Most of the time you will see me nodding and shaking my head (do not be fooled, I did not know what else to say) vigorously. Lol.

I loved every single moment spent with families there. They were superb (despite language barriers) and we were treated like king and queen all through out our stay.

It took us couple of days to get the hang of their métro map but soon after we were hopping on-off everywhere. Then we discovered we could walk all the way to Saint Lazare (Line 14 Saint Lazare-Olympiades) via tunnel from the station near our home to the famous Galeries Lafayette.

We didn't really shop that much but I got my birthday gift from Mr. S there. It was quite a surprise and I did not use it that much because the price tag on that present was freaking exxy!! If I am to blab about our stay there, it will never end. Suffice to say, it was a really special pre-honeymoon trip and we managed to cover almost every place there is to visit in Paris (oh! Not all their museums though. Yes they are unique each of them but neither of us have the patience to stand and stare at them). Haha!

If ever Mr. S decided to move there, I think I will agree to it. Who said the French are rude? Yes, they laughed when I tried to speak but most of the time they corrected me and smiled. I do however not quite fond of their officers at the tourist guide booth. We find them a bit hmmm....(let's just put it this way, not so polite). Full stop.

The one thing I miss is this cheeky little girl. Bisous bisous...

J'espére vraiment que nous rencontrerons encore bientôt! Jusqu'à alors...

Love,

Iliyana I. Ramjaun

Sneak Peak: 09.10.11

A quick sneak peak of the night. I was told by my photographers they caught more than 4 thousand pictures that night, I guess I have to be patient then.

I promise I will concentrate blogging after settling down peeps!

Love,

Lilly Ishak